Saxophone Jokes
How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.
What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles.
2. You can tune a lawnmower
3. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
4. Vibrato.
How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
Kenny G gets on an elevator and says “Wow! This Rocks!!!”
What is the difference between Kenny G and a machine gun?
The machine gun repeats only 10 times per second.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
How do you define a perfect pitch?
Throwing an alto sax in a toilet from 20 feet without hitting the rim.
What’s the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
Why did the lead alto sax player play so many wrong notes?
He kept ignoring the key signature. He thought it was a suggestion.
How many C Melody sax players can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.
If lost in the woods, whom would you ask for directions?
· An in-tune tenor sax player
· An out-of-tune tenor sax player
· Santa Claus
The answer is: The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you’re hallucinating.
What's the difference between a saxophone and a chain saw?
1. The exhaust
2. Vibrato
3. It’s all in the grip.
When should a saxophonist change his reed?
Whenever a difficult section comes up in the music score.
You may be a redneck saxophonist if….
1. You have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard.
2. You spell it “saxaphone”.
3. You think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a longneck during a gig.
4. The gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buescher sopranos.
5. You think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived.
How do you tune five saxophones?
You shoot four.
How are a saxophone and guillotine similar?
They are both lethal, always sharp, and work best when dropped from high places.
What do a saxophone and a baseball bat have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Why did Adolphe Sax invent the saxophone?
He hated mankind, but couldn’t build an atom bomb.
Is the saxophone a woodwind or brass instrument?
Yes it is.
The reason why so many weird noises come out of the saxophone is because Adolphe Sax never issued any instructions on how to use them. Contrary to popular believe the saxophone was invented as a percussion instrument meant to be beaten by hammers… very large hammers.
What do you call a thousand saxophones at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
How many tenor sax players does it take to change a flat tire?
Four – one to change the tire; one to work the jack; and the other two to contemplate on how John Coltrane would have done it.
What’s the difference between a tenor sax player and a macaw?
One is loud, obnoxious and noisy, the other is a bird.
A saxophone is like a lawsuit.
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones.
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