Band kids say the darnedest things*, so this year I decided to try to record all of the funny things we've said of done in the pit. Here they are:
"this is why we need lube" ~Lauren and Nicole 8/6 ( trying to pull apart a difficult cymbal stand)
" 1,2 ready, 6" ~Lauren 8/8 ( our beloved senior section leader trying to count us off in 6/8 time)
"oh, there's my nut!" ~Josh 8/8 ( finding the nut he dropped while assembling the new bass drum rack)
"I want to be a percussionist, they get to bang on things, really hard!!!!!" ~tenor sax player 8/9 ( a tenor sax friend just came up to us and said this, and then realized what she said)
"it's not the mallets, you dingus!!"
" you make me feel so good about myself, Bailey!!"~Lauren and Bailey, (m. 122-167 of opener) 8/27 ( our section leaders discussing a difficult part that features the pit and complicate, staggered entrances. Lauren was having trouble with her part and was complaining about her mallets)
I GOT THE RUNS!!!!!~ Allyson ( our 8th grader that got put on a marimba for a song with a difficult running sixteenth note line at 160 and was practicing before a football game. She finally was able to play it completely right at speed, and proceeded to proclaim this very loudly in full earshot on the incoming crowd at the ticket office. The pit nearly peed themselves laughing.)
Palm tree in 6/8 ( our interpretive dance to keep time during long rests for the opener. It was created in pit sectionals and we would perform while bored when the rest of the band was marching.)
"Stop seducing the bass drum, Josh!!!"~ Lauren ( section leader reprimanding a freshman pit member for suggestively stroking he bass drum to distract her while practicing her part.)
"don't hate: tolerate, congregate.....um, agragate? "
"agragate? Only in Iowa"~ Lauren and Nicole ( Lauren trying to rap)
"Yeah, shove that in there!" (Frequently exclaimed while trying to fit hat racks, percussion, big instruments and uniforms into a densely packed trailer)
*more forthcoming
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Funny Band Jokes
There is a group of 6th grade flute players, and they are in a competition to who can get the highest note.
"Look guys, I can play a high A!" (Screeeeeeech!)
"Well, I can get to high B" (Screeeech!, Any glass nearby busts)
"I can play piccolo!" (Panic ensues)
"Noo! DON'T DO IT!"
"PUT IT AWAY!"
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"
this has actually happened to me before; I was in 8th grade though, and the one with the piccolo. He he he!
There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop!" The man is forced to stay the night in the natives' village. All through the night, the drums kept on going so he was unable to sleep at all. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because when drum solo stop, sax solo start!"
One week after moving into his first apartment, Ed called his mother to complain about his neighbors: "One woman cries all day, another lies in bed moaning, and then there's this guy that keeps banging his head against the wall."
"You better keep away from them," she said.
"I do. I stay inside all day playing my tuba."
An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars rest. At the point where the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. So, the conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. "I have 84 bars rest," says the tuba player. To which the conductor replies, "But we are past those 84 bars already." The tuba player, confused, asks "How should I know that?" The conductor replies, "You can count, can't you?" The tuba player looks at him and asks "Do you call that rest?"
Q: How many drum majors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but then again, who's really watching?
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see… and he was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk… and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man said, “Lord I’m a high school band director.”
… and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
"Look guys, I can play a high A!" (Screeeeeeech!)
"Well, I can get to high B" (Screeeech!, Any glass nearby busts)
"I can play piccolo!" (Panic ensues)
"Noo! DON'T DO IT!"
"PUT IT AWAY!"
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"
this has actually happened to me before; I was in 8th grade though, and the one with the piccolo. He he he!
There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop!" The man is forced to stay the night in the natives' village. All through the night, the drums kept on going so he was unable to sleep at all. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because when drum solo stop, sax solo start!"
One week after moving into his first apartment, Ed called his mother to complain about his neighbors: "One woman cries all day, another lies in bed moaning, and then there's this guy that keeps banging his head against the wall."
"You better keep away from them," she said.
"I do. I stay inside all day playing my tuba."
An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars rest. At the point where the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. So, the conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. "I have 84 bars rest," says the tuba player. To which the conductor replies, "But we are past those 84 bars already." The tuba player, confused, asks "How should I know that?" The conductor replies, "You can count, can't you?" The tuba player looks at him and asks "Do you call that rest?"
Q: How many drum majors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but then again, who's really watching?
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see… and he was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk… and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man said, “Lord I’m a high school band director.”
… and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
75 Signs You Might be a Theory Geek
1) you whistle in style brisé.
2) your favorite pickup line is, "What's your favorite augmented sixth chord?"
3) your second favorite pickup line is, "Would you like to raise my leading tone?"
4) you have ever played the how-many-episodes-is-too-many-episodes fugue game.
5) you have a poster of Allen Forte in your room.
6) you know who Allen Forte is.
7) you dream in four parts.
8) your biological clock follows a non-retrogradable isorhythm.
9) you can improvise 16th-century counterpoint with no trouble, but you frequently forget how to tie
your shoes.
10) you will look at a piece by Bach and say, "You know, I think he could have gotten a better effect this way . . ."
11) you expected something quite different out of The Matrix.
12) you can answer your phone with a tonal or a real answer.
13) you like to tease your friends and loved ones with deceptive cadences.
14) you know how large a major 23rd is without having to count.
15) you only drink fifths, and then you laugh at the pun.
16) you feel the need to end Tchaikovsky's Pathétique Symphony with a picardy third.
17) your favorite characteristic of Brahms's music is the subcutaneous motivic play.
18) instead of counting sheep, you count sequences.
19) you find free counterpoint too liberal.
20) Moussorgsky's "Hopak" gives you nightmares.
21) you wonder what a Danish sixth would sound like.
22) you long for the good old days of movable G-clefs.
23) the Corelli Clash gives you goosebumps. Every time.
24) you can hear an enharmonic modulation coming a mile away.
25) you can hear Berg's lover's dog coming a mile away.
26) you have had to be forced to stop labeling motives.
27) you confuse fishsticks with ground bass.
28) you found No. 27 funny.
29) you have ever quoted Walter Piston.
30) you like to march to the rhythm of L'histoire du soldat.
31) your license plate says: PNTONL.
32) you have ever defended yourself with, "But Gesualdo did it!"
33) you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on "Three Blind Mice."
34) you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on 4'33''.
35) you have ever had a gebrauchsmusik party.
36) you have ever tried to hop onto the omnibus.
36) you like to wake up to a Petrushkated version of "Reveille."
38) you lament the decline of serialism.
39) you know what the ninth overtone of the harmonic series is off the top of your head.
40) you keep the writings of Boethius on the coffee table.
41) you have ever dressed up as counterpoint for Halloween.
42) you have ever written a musical palindrome and given it a witty title.
43) you can name ten of Palestrina's contemporaries.
44) you have ever found a typographical error in a score by Ives, Nancarrow, or Babbitt.
45) you have ever heard a wrong note in a performance of a composition by Ives, Nancarrow, or Babbitt.
46) you already sensed that if this list had been written by Bartók, this would be the funniest item.
47) you enjoy the tang of a tritone whenever you can.
48) you've let the rule of the octave determine how you go from one event of the day to the next.
49) you have ever played through your music as if the fingering markings were figured bass symbols.
50) you suspiciously check all the music you play for dangling sevenths.
51) you have devised your own tuning method.
52) you keep a notebook of useful diminutions.
53) you have composed variations on a theme by Anton Webern.
54) you know the difference between a Courante and a Corrente.
55) you have trained your dog to jump through a flaming circle of fifths.
56) you have ever used the word fortspinnung in polite conversation.
57) you feel cheated by evaded cadences.
58) you organize phone numbers based on their prime form.
59) you find it amusing to refer to you ear-training course sections as your "pitch classes."
60) every now and again you like to kick back and play a tune in hypophrygian mode.
61) you wonder why there aren't more types of seventh chords.
62) you wish you had twelve fingers.
63) you like polytonal music because, hey, the more keys the merrier.
64) you abbreviate your shopping list using figured bass symbols.
65) you always make sure to invert your counterpoint, just in case.
66) you have ever told a joke with a punchline of: because it was polyphonic!
67) you have ever named a pet, instrument, boat, gun or child after Zarlino.
68) you have an <0 data-blogger-escaped-1="1" data-blogger-escaped-4="4"> tattoo.
69) your lips may say, "perfect fourth," but in your heart it will always be "diatessaron."
70) you have ever said, "Yes, didn't Scriabin use that sonority in . . ."
71)you know dirty acronyms for the order of sharps.
72) you can name relatives of the "Grandmother Chord."
73) you're still wondering why I haven't included the "must-resolve-the- dominant-seventh-before-going-to-bed" indicator.
74) you can not only identify any one of Bach's 371 Harmonized Chorales by ear, but you also know what page it is on in the Riemenschneider edition and how many suspensions it has in the first four bars.
75) you got more than half of the jokes on this list.
2) your favorite pickup line is, "What's your favorite augmented sixth chord?"
3) your second favorite pickup line is, "Would you like to raise my leading tone?"
4) you have ever played the how-many-episodes-is-too-many-episodes fugue game.
5) you have a poster of Allen Forte in your room.
6) you know who Allen Forte is.
7) you dream in four parts.
8) your biological clock follows a non-retrogradable isorhythm.
9) you can improvise 16th-century counterpoint with no trouble, but you frequently forget how to tie
your shoes.
10) you will look at a piece by Bach and say, "You know, I think he could have gotten a better effect this way . . ."
11) you expected something quite different out of The Matrix.
12) you can answer your phone with a tonal or a real answer.
13) you like to tease your friends and loved ones with deceptive cadences.
14) you know how large a major 23rd is without having to count.
15) you only drink fifths, and then you laugh at the pun.
16) you feel the need to end Tchaikovsky's Pathétique Symphony with a picardy third.
17) your favorite characteristic of Brahms's music is the subcutaneous motivic play.
18) instead of counting sheep, you count sequences.
19) you find free counterpoint too liberal.
20) Moussorgsky's "Hopak" gives you nightmares.
21) you wonder what a Danish sixth would sound like.
22) you long for the good old days of movable G-clefs.
23) the Corelli Clash gives you goosebumps. Every time.
24) you can hear an enharmonic modulation coming a mile away.
25) you can hear Berg's lover's dog coming a mile away.
26) you have had to be forced to stop labeling motives.
27) you confuse fishsticks with ground bass.
28) you found No. 27 funny.
29) you have ever quoted Walter Piston.
30) you like to march to the rhythm of L'histoire du soldat.
31) your license plate says: PNTONL.
32) you have ever defended yourself with, "But Gesualdo did it!"
33) you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on "Three Blind Mice."
34) you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on 4'33''.
35) you have ever had a gebrauchsmusik party.
36) you have ever tried to hop onto the omnibus.
36) you like to wake up to a Petrushkated version of "Reveille."
38) you lament the decline of serialism.
39) you know what the ninth overtone of the harmonic series is off the top of your head.
40) you keep the writings of Boethius on the coffee table.
41) you have ever dressed up as counterpoint for Halloween.
42) you have ever written a musical palindrome and given it a witty title.
43) you can name ten of Palestrina's contemporaries.
44) you have ever found a typographical error in a score by Ives, Nancarrow, or Babbitt.
45) you have ever heard a wrong note in a performance of a composition by Ives, Nancarrow, or Babbitt.
46) you already sensed that if this list had been written by Bartók, this would be the funniest item.
47) you enjoy the tang of a tritone whenever you can.
48) you've let the rule of the octave determine how you go from one event of the day to the next.
49) you have ever played through your music as if the fingering markings were figured bass symbols.
50) you suspiciously check all the music you play for dangling sevenths.
51) you have devised your own tuning method.
52) you keep a notebook of useful diminutions.
53) you have composed variations on a theme by Anton Webern.
54) you know the difference between a Courante and a Corrente.
55) you have trained your dog to jump through a flaming circle of fifths.
56) you have ever used the word fortspinnung in polite conversation.
57) you feel cheated by evaded cadences.
58) you organize phone numbers based on their prime form.
59) you find it amusing to refer to you ear-training course sections as your "pitch classes."
60) every now and again you like to kick back and play a tune in hypophrygian mode.
61) you wonder why there aren't more types of seventh chords.
62) you wish you had twelve fingers.
63) you like polytonal music because, hey, the more keys the merrier.
64) you abbreviate your shopping list using figured bass symbols.
65) you always make sure to invert your counterpoint, just in case.
66) you have ever told a joke with a punchline of: because it was polyphonic!
67) you have ever named a pet, instrument, boat, gun or child after Zarlino.
68) you have an <0 data-blogger-escaped-1="1" data-blogger-escaped-4="4"> tattoo.
69) your lips may say, "perfect fourth," but in your heart it will always be "diatessaron."
70) you have ever said, "Yes, didn't Scriabin use that sonority in . . ."
71)you know dirty acronyms for the order of sharps.
72) you can name relatives of the "Grandmother Chord."
73) you're still wondering why I haven't included the "must-resolve-the- dominant-seventh-before-going-to-bed" indicator.
74) you can not only identify any one of Bach's 371 Harmonized Chorales by ear, but you also know what page it is on in the Riemenschneider edition and how many suspensions it has in the first four bars.
75) you got more than half of the jokes on this list.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Cocoa and Carols
The Highlights did a great job!!!! You guys were (mostly) together with your choreography, which is really impressive given you are only 4th and 5th graders and you had choreography similar to what a middle school show choir might do to memorize. You also had a really great sound and it really projected in the big auditorium!!! Some of the other elementary groups had probably twice as many people as you did, but even then couldn't even match your guys' sound. Great Job, and I can't wait to watch your next show this winter or spring!
More Ways to tell if You are a Band Geek
You know you’re a band geek when…
You start to tap your foot to elevator music.
You make music jokes in a class when there are no other band members in that class.
You spend extra time in the band room and practice your scales faster and faster.
You have pictures of John Phillip Sousa on your locker.
Your band director is your contact person on your emergency card.
You have a different band shirt for everyday of the week.
You practice show step when walking around your house.
You walk in step with your friends.
All your friends and your friends' friends are band members. [Either that, a former band kid, orchestra, or bronies (guys who like MLP, many of whom are also band kids)]
Your band uniforms doubles as a Halloween costume.
The band room phone is like your pager.
You tap your foot to the radio.
Your favorite song is by someone who died 100 years ago.
You wear your marching shoes to school.
You keep a spare change of clothes in your band locker.[yep]
You wear your marching gloves with your prom dress.
You know what key N*Sync (whichever songs are popular in your generation) are sung in.
You sing Roll Over Beethoven as you walk to class. [ no, but we do hum and tap to the band music in other classes]
You eat lunch in the band room. [YES!!!!! well, actually we eat in the band hallway, because food is not allowed in the band room]
You consider band as a sport. [obviously, duh!]
You have your parents video tape the shows so you can march with them in the off season.
You wear your concert attire to homecoming.
You are friends with the incoming freshmen band members.[ YES!!!!]
Your reed budget is higher than your food budget.
When you cut class, you go to the band room.[ I haven’t ever cut class, although if I were to, I’d probably go to the band room…. Wait, *using the force* you never read this!!!!]
You vow revenge on the music black market.
You know all the cheerleaders cheers. [yes, we ALL do]
You don't go home on the day of a football game. [with pit and drumline having to load and unload the trailer, yes]
Your idea of a recliner is a black music posture chair.
When you graduate, you don't leave. [they never do, and I dont plan on it either]
Band director’s house and band room are on speed dial.
You're the only one who shows up for pep band.
You don't take "double tonguing" as a dirty joke.
You know "panache" is a feather.
You conduct in the shower.
You can tune a tenor sax.
You shed tears during Hail Liberty.
You sit in class and start to finger notes on your pencil. [ I have gotten a lot of weird stares from doing this]
You double tongue in the halls.
You get upset while driving because your windshield wipers aren't in time with the radio. [once, you notice it, it's amazing how annoying it can get!]
In a turning lane you notice that the blinkers are not synchronized. [and tap a rhythm to them, and accidentally hit the horn in the process]
You can relate to the term, "One time in band camp..."
You wear your concert attire, and look at yourself in the mirror and say "I'm good looking".
When you fight for a sports locker, and say "Band is too a sport!" along with the cheerleaders. [I don’t need to; we have our own lockers that are bigger than theirs. So big, in fact, that we have a tradition of locking freshman in them. You know as a freshman that you have been accepted into the band once you have been forced into a locker and it has been locked. Sadly, my upperclassmen forgot the combo to the lock they used and the band director wasn’t happy about having to go find his key to get me out of the baritone locker.]
Everything on this list describes you to a T.
Lesson #2: Staffs, Clefs, and Lines, Oh My!!!
Reading sheet music is like reading a foreign language. There are rules and patterns that must be followed for the music to sound pleasing to the ear and so the musician can interpret the music correctly in order to perform it.
Before we get to the music, we must first know how to write it correctly, and know how to organize it.
To learn about how to correctly label a note, head to: http://nomusicbflat.blogspot.com/2012/09/what-is-c4.html.
Notes are also labeled ascending by letters A, B, C, D, E, F, and G, then repeating again and again (there is no “H” note)
After you refresh how to designate a particular note, let’s move onto the tools we use to write the music, the staff, ledger lines, and clefs.
There are four main types of clefs: treble, alto, tenor, and bass clef. However in modern music, only two are commonly used: treble and bass.
This is the tenor clef. This clef is rarely used in modern music. Occasionally trombone, bassoon, cello, or viola will read this clef. It is centered around C4 (red)
This is the bass clef, also known as the F-clef because it’s symbol is centered on the F line(red). Middle C cannot be represented on this staff without the use of ledger lines (see below)
As you can see, each staff has different lines or spaces assigned to the same note. But why is this?
Originally, everything was always written on one large, theoretical staff, a grand staff, normally with 11 horizontal lines (like above) but also had the four clefs, marking the different voice parts (soprano, alto, tenor, and bass) would read off of one grand staff with their four different parts. This was very confusing, and therefore the grand staff was split into two staffs, treble (upper) and bass(lower). Alto and tenor clef were for the most part set aside and all music was notated on the two staffs.
Q: What if you have a note that doesn’t fit on the staff? A: Extend the staff!!!
When you have a note that doesn’t fit on the staff you are using, you add ledger lines to extend the staff above or below depending on the not you are writing. You continue with your lettering and note placement. (middle C on the picture above is an example of a ledger line).
That concludes our lesson for today.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
" An Interesting Marching Band Story"
" An Interesting Marching Band Story"
Back in the day, our band was the party-central of the school.
So one time it was raining, and we were certain the half-time show was going to be canceled...so we started partying (drinking) early.
Only it wasn't canceled and we were told the show would go on.
We mostly got away with it - except for a few tiny problems...
At the most dramatic point, we were in an arc facing away from the audience, and right after the solo we were supposed to slowly turn around, and break the formation and run up to the sidelines and assume a straight line. You know the routine, you sight in off the shoulder beside you to make the line even....
But during the solo (a long one)...most of us inebriated ones forgot where in the routine we were, so about 8 of us didn't turn around....and we didn't run up to the sidelines either....there we were....8 random guys just standing with our backs to the audience.....and ever so slowly it dawned on us one by one that something was wrong.
So we tried to run up to the sidelines and join the line, but it was closed up and even....so in trying to get in line, some of us fell down and/or knocked some of the others down. Didn't matter anyway, because by then the line was quick-timing it back into a rotating pinwheel...but we were falling down in the rain and mud....so then we tried to run back and join the pinwheel, but ended up knocking more people down - because that pinwheel was moving, and we were way out of our usual positions...so we ran down the field again....at this point the tuba player fell down and broke the bell off the tuba, and he just sat there...holding the pieces.
By now the band was more interested in laughing at us than playing so the song started to fall apart. And the audience was laughing loud enough we could hear them from the field. Our drum majors were frantically running around grabbing us and pointing at where we were supposed to be. And you know what happens when the drum majors stop marking time....
Finally, there was one point where we all stood still and most of us had just enough time to get into the correct place - and play the last 4 bars to end the show.
That little disaster resulted in some serious trouble when we got back.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
AP Lang writing prompt #1
The book we are starting with this trimester for reading pages is A Hope in the Unseen by Ron Suskind. Cedric Jennings, a junior at Ballou High School in the southeast side of Washington D.C, is an outcast. His perfect grades a far cry from others, where a 2.0 GPA is rarely attained, and only for sport elligibility. Cedric has been working all of his life in order to escape this life, where shootings during a lunch period are not unusual, gangs run the cliques, drugs are being sold at every street corner, most students have at least one relative in prison, and the best thing you can do to survive is to not stand out in any way and blend into the background while trying to live your life. Cedric's grades are an example of his failure to blend in, and he is targeted by the other kids. Therefore, he has become a loner and puts all of his efforts into studying and praying that he gets accepted into a prestigious minority summer program at M.I.T., although he knows the other applicants will have had far better learning opportunities than he has had.
"At Ballou "High School, bright students like Cedric[protagonist] learn the lesson that "...distinctiveness can be dangerous, so it's best to develop an aptitude for not being noticed." How do you think Cedric's experiences would compare and constrast with the educational experience here at Kennedy?"
Cedric's experiences have been that it is much better not to stand out, because you become an easy target for all the people that you are different from.
Like any school, even Kennedy, if you don't fit into a group, you may become a target for other kids. I have always belonged to a group, and although it wasn't ever the popular group, I was still safe within numbers. Playing this social survivor isn't a choice in high school; you are still playing whether you want to or not. Cedric's strategy in playing this game is mostly flying under the radar as much as he can with his exceptional grades.
High grades are more of a mark of pride here at Kennedy than it is at Ballou High. Unlike Ballou, in most circles at Kennedy, it is a credit to have good grades. Kennedy has programs of a similar nature to Ballou's when it comes to rewarding high grades, however these awards are more willingly received at Kennedy than they are at Ballou. This has more to do with the positive atmosphere that Kennedy's faculty and staff provide and support from our parents to do the best in school. In Cedric's neighborhood, we are probably the "whities" that well-performing students are compared to and mocked as being like.
Although both schools have the best interests of their students in mind, Kennedy has better equipment, funding and a demographic that has higher graduation, GPA, and college- acceptance rates than Ballou High does in the book. Cedric has done well with what education he has received, however he will still probably be quite behind his peers academically when he begins college, especially in an Ivy League school because of his level of education at Ballou.
"At Ballou "High School, bright students like Cedric[protagonist] learn the lesson that "...distinctiveness can be dangerous, so it's best to develop an aptitude for not being noticed." How do you think Cedric's experiences would compare and constrast with the educational experience here at Kennedy?"
Cedric's experiences have been that it is much better not to stand out, because you become an easy target for all the people that you are different from.
Like any school, even Kennedy, if you don't fit into a group, you may become a target for other kids. I have always belonged to a group, and although it wasn't ever the popular group, I was still safe within numbers. Playing this social survivor isn't a choice in high school; you are still playing whether you want to or not. Cedric's strategy in playing this game is mostly flying under the radar as much as he can with his exceptional grades.
High grades are more of a mark of pride here at Kennedy than it is at Ballou High. Unlike Ballou, in most circles at Kennedy, it is a credit to have good grades. Kennedy has programs of a similar nature to Ballou's when it comes to rewarding high grades, however these awards are more willingly received at Kennedy than they are at Ballou. This has more to do with the positive atmosphere that Kennedy's faculty and staff provide and support from our parents to do the best in school. In Cedric's neighborhood, we are probably the "whities" that well-performing students are compared to and mocked as being like.
Although both schools have the best interests of their students in mind, Kennedy has better equipment, funding and a demographic that has higher graduation, GPA, and college- acceptance rates than Ballou High does in the book. Cedric has done well with what education he has received, however he will still probably be quite behind his peers academically when he begins college, especially in an Ivy League school because of his level of education at Ballou.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Jokes For A Clarinet Named Dimitri
Clarinet Jokes
A limerick was made for my clarinet,
An instrument some folks are swarinet
For it sounded so bad,
That the last one I had,
The kittens were constantly barinet.
_______________
A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner.
He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lb
Then he saw a sign that read:
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know how many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
_______________
A pony walks into a clarinet store and says "May I have a clarinet?"
Man says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"
"May I please have a clarinet?"
"What? You have to speak up!"
"Could I please have a clarinet?"
"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not help you."
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse." _______________
An oboist noticed at the end of each rehearsal break, one of the clarinetists would look at the inside flap of his jacket before he sat down to resume rehearsal. This continued for several years, and the oboist became quite curious about it.
One day, during hot weather, the clarinetist took off his jacket and went off on break. The oboist waited until everyone was off the platform, looked around, and sneaked over to the jacket.
He pulled back the flap and saw a little note pinned on the inside. It read: "left hand top, right hand bottom."
_______________
Did you hear about the 3rd clarinetist who claimed he could play 32nd notes?
To prove it, he played just one.
_______________
Guy goes into the john at the concert hall and takes a leak . Another guy comes in and takes a leak next to him but a fountain of pee goes everywhere including all over the first guy. Looking at the other guy's equipment he sees that it's full of holes! The second guy says that he has always had this problem. So the first guy gives the second a business card and tells him to go and see this man, to which the second guy replies asking "Is this a doctor?" "No, says the first guy, "It's a clarinet player, he'll show you how to hold it!"
_______________
How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
You can't!
_______________
How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
Cut the noose.
_______________
How do you know a clarinet player is playing loud?
You can almost hear them.
_______________
How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don't know where to enter and what key to use.
_______________
How do you know when a clarinetist has died?
The concertmaster moves them back a chair...
_______________
How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes...
_______________
How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
_______________
How do you put a twinkle in a clarinetist’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear!
_______________
How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.
_______________
How does a clarinetist get the best parking spaces?
He leaves his instrument case on the dashboard.
_______________
How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
_______________
If most musicians are either high or low, what does that make an orchestral third clarinetist?
Confused.
_______________
Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?
Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.
_______________
Most clarinetists can’t even reed music.
_______________
So, a clarinet walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Or was that a horse? Never mind.
_______________
The advantage of a banjo over a clarinet, on a cruise ship adventure, are obvious.
If the ship hits rocks and begins to sink, a clarinet is usually too short to stand on the bottom and breathe through until rescue arrives; but a person might climb upon some floating wreckage, and use the banjo to paddle towards shore.
_______________
What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
_______________
What do call a line setup by clarinets?
A circle
_______________
What do clarinetists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
_______________
What do you call clarinet players?
REED addicts
_______________
What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
_______________
What do you get when you cross a piccolo and a clarinet?
An earache.
_______________
What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?
An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.
_______________
What does a clarinet have in common with a lawsuit?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
_______________
What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.
_______________
What kind of calendar does a clarinetist use for his gigs?
"Year-at-a-glance"!
_______________
What uses do clarinets and saxophones have in hospitals?
The saxophone is used to lull crying babies to sleep and the clarinet to wake coma patients. _______________
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
_______________
What's the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a clarinet in the toilet and it doesn't hit the sides.
_______________
What's the difference between a clarinet and a mouse?
You can't hear a mouse squeak over the entire band!
_______________
What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
_______________
What's the difference between a professional clarinet player and a professional banjo player?
About $50 an hour.
_______________
What's the difference between 1st and 2nd clarinet?
A semi-tone.
And the difference between the 1st and 3rd?
A minute and a half.
_______________
What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
_______________
Which hospital should a bad-sounding Clarinet go to?
Walter REED! _______________
Why are most clarinets black?
So that they will be banned in California along with black-colored cars.
_______________
Why are there so many clarinets in a concert band?
It increases the odds that one will play the right note.
_______________
Why aren't there very many alto clarinet jokes?
Most people have better things to do with their time.
_______________
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicap zones.
_______________
Why does a clarinet disappear when it is left in a sandbox?
The cats buried it.
_______________
Why don't they make mutes for clarinets?
It would be a waste of time--it would take a lot more than a mute to make a clarinet sound good!
_______________
Why was the clarinet invented?
To make the oboe look good, mess up someone's fingers, and to ensure that there will always be someone to steal reeds from.
Jokes For Those Talented Enough To Play The Oboe (like me!!)
Oboe Jokes play around the life and times of all oboe players.
Players of this instrument must have an incredible amount of patience and perseverance to master this instrument.
They deal with incredible head back pressure their entire musical careers.
Maybe it's showing a little. (Only Oboists will understand)
Players of this instrument must have an incredible amount of patience and perseverance to master this instrument.
They deal with incredible head back pressure their entire musical careers.
Maybe it's showing a little. (Only Oboists will understand)
Oboe Jokes
Define a lady
She owns an oboe yet refuses to play it.
How can you tell the first chair oboe player has been at a computer?
There is white out all over the screen.
How can you tell the second chair oboe player was at the computer after the first chair oboe player?
There is writing on the white out.
How do you get an oboe player’s eyes to light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ears.
How do you get five oboes in tune?
Shoot four of them.
How do you keep a clarinet from being stolen?
Put it in an oboe case.
How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?
Steal his batteries.
How many oboe players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one but he'll go through 30 to 40 bulbs to find the best one.
The only time two oboes sound good together is when they're so out of tune they actually sound like bagpipes.
There was a band director who had a gun with two bullets there was a bad oboe player, trumpet player, and bassoon player. Who did he shoot?
The oboe player- twice, just to make sure.
What are burning oboes used for?
To set bassoons on fire.
What are oboes good for?
Kindling when burning bassoons.
What do an oboe and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What do you call perfect pitch in an oboe?
In the dumpster without hitting the side.
What is a burning oboe good for?
Setting a bassoon on fire.
What is the definition of a half step?
Two oboes playing in unison.
What is the definition of a major second?
Two baroque oboes playing in unison.
What is the definition of a minor second?
Two oboes playing in unison.
What's the difference between a family reunion and an oboe solo?
You know they are both coming and there is not a darn thing you can do about it!!
What's the difference between a high-school oboe section and a 12-cylinder Jaguar engine?
a)With enough time and work, you can eventually get the 12-cylinder Jag in tune.
What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A bad oboist can kill you.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
You don't cry when you're cutting up the oboe.
What's the difference between an oboist and a psychiatric ward patient?
The oboist just hasn't been caught yet.
What's the difference between oboe road kill and raccoon road kill?
Skid marks in front of the raccoon!
What's wrong with oboes?
Everything.
When is an oboe a good oboe?
When it's down a toilet.
Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?
A bassoon; there's more wood!
Why are there no oboes in the marching band?
It's bad enough having them in concert band.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the oboe recital.
Why do oboists drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation?
Because most oboes are full of holes.
Why don't oboists eat bananas?
They can't find a zipper OR a pull tab.
Why should oboe players get no breaks?
They will forget how to read notes and it will take too long to re-teach them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)